its getting darker and darker

Is it like this? I mean.. life.. my perception towards life is getting worsen day by day. I remembered all those times back then when I was younger than today. I was so happy. I was truly happy. I love people around me. Even my previous entry here, I could feel how happy I was before by reading it. but today, I changed. I am afraid of the world. I am afraid of people. I am overthinking at every step I take while I was living. I am worried about every aspects of my life. In term of my study, about friends, even love. Where is the old me? I really need the old me. I am too anxious of living. This feels killing me. I am ashamed of my God. Yes, I do believe in Allah but I cannot run from this feel. I swear I am trying so hard to get rid of this feeling.

Is this my toxic trait?  Am I born with this trait? I don’t believe in people aside from my family. I am faking of my reaction towards people. They were fooled by me. By my positive side. I am sorry