Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Learn from mistake, you can do it


Assalamualaikum and hi awakkkk 
Sis selalu boring pagi-pagi tak tahu nk buat apa.  Skarg hani tgh cuti semester. 3 bulan beb 3 bulan  agak2 apa lah awok nk buat klau cuti gini.  Lama wooo...  Hani sebenarnya nk ambil short sem di university uia kesayangan hani tu..  *lasangattt  hahha sayang..  Sayang..  The only university that i wanna study at from the beginning. Tp tak ambil sbb igt nak kerja. Cuti since puasa ritu kot..  And this September im gonna get my life as students again. You know what. Life as student ni sgt interesting. Lots of things i got.  Cabaran and happy thingy. With friends or without them.  Magoshh i write this entry sambil dgr lagu and right now the song of shoutul amal,  nostalgia is playin right before i talk abt this. And its really remind me abt the past . Fefeeling betul.  Okay right now surah al-furqan is playin..  Lets behave guys 
The thing is that,  no matter how much i love studying dan tuntut ilmu ni,  there's somthing that i really sad abt. Its my result,  awakk... Last sem is my 1st semester degree.. I've tried so hard to score all my  subjects.  Its just..  I cant make it well.  OH MAHHGOOSHH..  WWHY MUST SAD SONG PLAY WHILE IM TALK ABT THISSS.  my tears ... Hahahha chillex farahani.  *inhaledexhaled..  Hmm
Masa study tu sis happy gilerr.  I feel like i can do the exam somehow. Can't describe how excited i am to get good result and show it to my parents. Plus tarikh tunjuk result tu tarikh nya betul2 malam raya tau x.. Dalam kepala hotak ni dok terbayang muka mama baba happy and shine bright as moon and star after look at my result..  K IM DONE GUYSSS..!  INSTRUMENTAL OF KISS THE RAIN IS PLAYIN RN . jap sis lari gi kat bilik sat sbb termenangis.. 
Im good im done..  
Hari exam, nervous dia MashaAllah..  Berdebarnya klah tgk org yg kita suka. But i believe Allah is with me and He know what's the best for me. Hani jawab dgn tenang.  But deep inside my heart,  im crying a lot.  All those facts that i memorized,  confused me.  Im puzzled.  Im done with everything. Klau hani tak da tuhan,  dah lama hani rasa hidup hani tak pernah nk berjalan lancar.  Dah lama baling meja keluar dewan exam sayin that...
i can not make it.  Im done with all this shit,  exam and knowledge,  this not gonna work for me,  im stupid. Im quit. 
Tp hani teringat balik saat hani ambil spm,  how the not-so-good result brings me to the university that i want all this time. Di saat member kau yg result dia A bertimbun pun ada yg x dapat upu and here u are got the opportunity to continue menuntut ilmu di university yg kau nak sgt tu farahani. Dpt package couse yg kau idam kan sgt tu. Kau nk apa lagi farahani? X reti bersyukur..? Please remember what have the not-so-good result done to you.
Yes. Itu rezeki hani. Allah dah plan cantik dah semua. Apa terjadi ada hikmah dan masih ada sinar harapan lg klau kita letak Allah nombor satu in every single matter. So masa exam tu, hani redha.  Hani yakin masih ada sinar harapan yg Allah belum tunjuk. Yes mgkin result kali ni teruk. Ofc terkilan sikit sbb result x setanding dgn usaha and this happened everytime masa zaman sekolah  sampai parents hani faham yg hani x mcm adik beradik yg lain.  Lambat sikit je. Study dalam bilik mcm nk gila sampai ingt dah mati ke x kluar2 bilik tu?  Tp keputusan x seberapa jugak. Adik beradik yg lain dpt ambil pure science, hani dpt accounting jaa.. Tp hani x pernah jelaous pun.  X..  Sbb hani sedar diri.  Sis teringat masa upsr, dapat satu A je,  kecewa.  Tp mama senyum je ckp ok la tu.  Balik dari ambil result tu,  mama kata mama masak nasi goreng sebagai hadiah.  Hahahah but im touched with the response tho.   tp result hari tu hani decide x nk ckp pgi raya. So hani ckp awal lagi. Nampak mama kecewa  first time.  Mgkin zaman asasi x pernah teruk mcm ni so mama dah target yg aku boleh buat la kod en.  Nampak muka mama mcm tu,  mata hani berair,  tokleh tahan.  Ckp suara terketar ckp yg hani dah buat yg terbaik dan x tahu kenp jdi mcm ni.. hancur impian nk tgk mama happy dgn keputusan masa pagi raya.  Tp mgkin mama perasan kot.  Air muka yg nampak kecewa tu berubah lpas tu.
So nk ckp nya.  Biar lah result 1st sem degree ni x dpt apa yg sis nak. Tgk balik apa yg lack to make sure im not do the same mistake. Klau dah study awal pun, kena study lagi lagi awal la kut en. It just...  Jgn putus asa la kan..? X kan nk putus asa atas apa yg Allah dah berikan untuk kita?  Baru permulaan kot.  Nk give up?  Kemon laah farahani.  I can do this. U CAN DO THIS..  Biar lah skarg x boleh.  Mgkin nnt... inshaAllah..


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